The Mirror

Ex-Waiter Regrets Not Peeing On Bill Kristol’s Salmon Dinner

Screenshot/MSNBC

This is just good life wisdom: Be careful who your waiter is and how close his pee pee is to your food.

In a time of such divided, vitriolic politics, anything goes. Journalists like Bill Kristol, a rabid #NeverTrumper and editor-at-large for The Bulwark, can never be too careful when he dines out. Other political people have risked far less in restaurants. Last year, protestors heckled Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) and his wife out of the posh D.C. eatery Fiola Mare. The same goes for White House Press Secretary Sarah Sanders, who was thrown out of a Red Hen in Lexington, Virginia for her association to President Donald Trump. (RELATED: Protestors Beware! Cruz’s New Muscle May Make Anyone Think Twice)

As reported Wednesday by FNC.com’s Lukas Mikelionis, The Boston Globe ran an op-ed by Luke O’Neil, a former waiter who wrote that he wished he had urinated on Kristol’s dinner a decade ago in Cambridge. His reasons: Kristol is a neoconservative pundit and an “Iraq War cheerleader.”

Urine. Food. How is this not grounds for a restraining order?

“One of the biggest regrets of my life is not pissing in Bill Kristol’s salmon,” wrote O’Neil, a writer-at-large for Esquire.

Somehow the Globe’s editorial staff glazed right over it since it was the first line of the piece.

But soon the news outlet made it go away and slapped on a stern editor’s note.

As you might imagine, urinating on Kristol’s dinner did not meet Globe editorial standards: “A version of this column as originally published did not meet Globe standards and has been changed. The Globe regrets the previous tone of the piece.”

The lede now lacks a certain ‘je ne sais quoi pisse’ twist. The castrated prose now reads:

One of the biggest regrets in my life was serving Bill Kristol salmon and not telling the neoconservative pundit and chief Iraq War cheerleader what I really thought about him. That was 10 years ago, at a restaurant in Cambridge, and I was reminded of that episode this week when Secretary of Homeland Security Kirstjen Nielsen, the purportedly reluctant triggerman for Donald Trump’s inhumane policies of ethnic cleansing, announced she would be stepping down from her post at the president’s request.

The Mirror reached out to Kristol to ask him if this makes him afraid of dining out.

O’Neil joked on Twitter Wednesday morning, “Someone get Bari and Bret on the horn my free speech is being threatened.” He was referring to NYT opinion writer Bari Weiss and contributing columnist Bret Stephens.

The bulk of O’Neil’s piece also heavily dunks on ex-Secretary of Homeland Security Kirstjen Nielsen.

But whatever O’Neil wrote about her, it’s not as poignant as what he wrote about Kristol. (RELATED: RIP The Weekly Standard, Bill Kristol Basically Says ‘So What?’)

Hopefully O’Neil won’t have too tough of a day ahead in his “menchies” as he refers to his Twitter comments. But if he really does have to have this medical procedure, maybe he can at least get his followers to pray for him.

“Good news is I have a nice morning ahead of me of a steroid injection deep through multiple walls of abdomen muscle followed up by a relaxing MRI,” he wrote at 9:30 a.m.