Chrissy Teigen wrote a heartbreaking article Tuesday after the loss of her and John Legend’s son, Jack, following pregnancy complications.
“I didn’t know how to come back to real life so I wrote this piece for Medium with hopes that I can somehow move on but as soon as I posted it, tears flew out because it felt so….final,” the 34-year-old Sports Illustrated Swimsuit model captioned her post on Instagram, referencing her piece on suffering a miscarriage at 20 weeks into her third pregnancy. (RELATED: Chrissy Teigen Hospitalized During Pregnancy Due To Excessive Bleeding)
View this post on Instagram
In the article, she started out by recalling her personal experiences after she “first lost Jack” and the moments leading up to her having to say goodbye to her son. (RELATED: Report: Chrissy Teigen And John Legend Expecting 3rd Child)
“At this point I had already come to terms with what would happen: I would have an epidural and be induced to deliver our 20-week-old, a boy that would have never survived in my belly (please excuse these simple terms),” the supermodel wrote. “I was previously on bedrest for over a month, just trying to get the little dude to 28 weeks, a ‘safer’ zone for the fetus.” (RELATED: Chrissy Teigen Admits She Had A Boob Job, Wants Her Implants Out)
Teigen went on to explain that she had always had placenta problems, even with her son Miles, and she ended up having to deliver him “a month early because his stomach wasn’t getting enough food from” her placenta.
She talked about how they kept hoping things would heal and the “abnormal” bleeding would finally stop, as she shared that the fluid around her baby got “very low.”
“After a couple nights at the hospital, my doctor told me exactly what I knew was coming — it was time to say goodbye,” Teigen shared. “He just wouldn’t survive this, and if it went on any longer, I might not either.”
At one point, the supermodel reflected on her choice to share very private pictures with the world shortly after they lost Jack.
“I had asked my mom and John to take pictures, no matter how uncomfortable it was,” Chrissy wrote. “I explained to a very hesitant John that I needed them, and that I did NOT want to have to ever ask. That he just had to do it. He hated it. I could tell. It didn’t make sense to him at the time.”
“But I knew I needed to know of this moment forever, the same way I needed to remember us kissing at the end of the aisle, the same way I needed to remember our tears of joy after Luna and Miles,” she added.
“I cannot express how little I care that you hate the photos. How little I care that it’s something you wouldn’t have done. I lived it, I chose to do it, and more than anything, these photos aren’t for anyone but the people who have lived this or are curious enough to wonder what something like this is like,” Teigen continued.
The SI Swimsuit model went on to explain she feels “bad” their grief was “so public” simply because she “made the joy so public.”
“I feel bad that I made you all feel bad,” she added. “I always will.”