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‘How Do I Disappear?’: Mariah Carey Describes Deep Emotional Struggle Amid Her Successful Career

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Leena Nasir Entertainment Reporter
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Mariah Carey admitted her wildly successful life and career has been marred by deep emotional struggles in a video premiere exclusively obtained by People.

She recalled a time when she felt vulnerable and lost while struggling with her mental health, which led to the creation of her 2018 hit song, “Portrait,” according to her recent exclusive video with People. She recalled what her headspace was like at the time.

“Where do I go from here? At that point in my life I really did not know the answer to that question,” she reportedly said in the clip.

“It’s not like I had a plan to say, ‘Oh I’m going to do this and then tomorrow it’s going to be this fabulous day and whatever whatever.’ I genuinely didn’t know the answer to that question, which is what the first line of ‘Portrait’ is,” Carey told People in a clip from “Portrait of a Portrait,” to be released May 7.

The legendary singer, known for her high vocal range and outstanding career, described what she was feeling at the time.

“How do I a disappear is an even stronger question. How do I disappear is just like… someone who’s trapped,” she reportedly asked in the clip.

 

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“And the question is how do I get out of his situation. I have no idea how I get out of this situation. How do I disappear? How do I snap my fingers and suddenly no longer be here?” Carey said in the clip obtained by People.

“And that’s a very scary, stomach tumbling kind of realization. Or I guess artistic realization to have,” Carey reportedly admitted.

The star began to sing a snippet of the song in the clip obtained by People, and focused on the lyrics, “Here beyond the looking glass/Somewhere off the beaten path/Heartache never seems to pass/It just lasts.”

“And that’s exactly what I felt, where I was at that time,” she reportedly added.

 

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The 55-year-old released “Portrait” in 2018 and also featured the single on her fifteenth studio album, titled “Caution.” (RELATED: Paramedics And Police Called To Hotel After Fight Between Britney Spears And Her Boyfriend: REPORT)

“Portrait of a Portrait” debuts May 23 on Audible and will feature a never-before-heard House remix of the original song, according to People.