Editorial

Ew! Ew! Ew! — Outlet Publishes Anonymous Essay By 73-Year-Old Swinger, And I Hope To God It’s Not Real

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Kay Smythe News and Commentary Writer
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A woman in her 70s opened up to Slate magazine about being in an open marriage so late in life. The piece was published Sunday, and it’ll haunt me forever.

Watch out Bill DeBlasio: an open marriage ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. A 73-year-old woman going by the pseudonym “Lucia de Ganas” detailed to Slate how she was feeling totally sexually unfulfilled after her 78-year-old husband lost all interest in their sex life.

It’s unclear, but it reads like the couple both had open marriages back in the 1970s, and neither had remained with their partner from that time — either that, or they’d tried it within their marriage and ended up splitting for a time. But as this woman needed sex more than she needed to be a good wife, she told her husband she was going to start playing around with other men.

She set her rules for a prospective new bang toy as “no overnights, no travel, and no hosting. I could be a friend, a lover, and a confidante, but couldn’t be a girlfriend.” Sorry, but if you’re a friend, lover, and confidant, you’re not just physically cheating on your husband, but you’re engaged in an emotional affair. (RELATED: Unwanted American Women Are Now Trying To Steal Foreign Men)

Maybe I’m naïve, but what’s the point in a marriage if you’re not loyal? What’s the purpose of being in a partnership if you’re going to give your body and soul to another person for the small act of pleasure? If you want to have sex with other people, end your marriage. Separate.

I truly hope this op-ed is a lie. It’s probably one of the most depressing things I’ve ever read.