Frances Bean Cobain reflected on the death of her father, Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain, on the 30th anniversary of his death, in a heart-wrenching post shared to Instagram, Friday.
Kurt was found dead by suicide in his Seattle home, April 5, 1994, at the age of 27. He was survived by his wife, Courtney Love, and Frances, who was just a 20-month-old baby at the time of his passing.
“I wish I could’ve known my Dad,” Frances wrote in the lengthy caption of her post. “I wish I knew the cadence of his voice, how he liked his coffee or the way it felt to be tucked in after a bedtime story. I always wondered if he would’ve caught tadpoles with me during the muggy Washington summers, or if he smelled of Camel Lights & strawberry nesquik (his favorites, I’ve been told).”
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Frances posted a series of images in an intimate family photo gallery. Her grief was evident as she poured out her feelings as she marked the somber anniversary.
“30 years ago my dad’s life ended. The 2nd & 3rd photo capture the last time we were together while he was still alive,” she wrote.
“His mom Wendy would often press my hands to her cheeks & say, with a lulling sadness, “you have his hands”. She would breathe them in as if it were her only chance to hold him just a little bit closer, frozen in time. I hope she’s holding his hands wherever they are,” Frances said.
Losing her legendary father during her infancy took a toll on Frances.
“In the last 30 years my ideas around loss have been in a continuous state of metamorphosing. The biggest lesson learned through grieving for almost as long as I’ve been conscious, is that it serves a purpose. The duality of life & death, pain & joy, yin & yang, need to exist along side each other or none of this would have any meaning,” she said.
The only child of one of the greatest forces in music history explained how she made peace with the deep loss of her father.
“It is the impermanent nature of human existence which throws us into the depths of our most authentic lives. As It turns out, there is no greater motivation for leaning into loving awareness than knowing everything ends.”
Kurt Cobain’s smashed Fender Stratocaster is pictured on dispaly at Julien’s Auctions in Gardena, California on May 2, 2023. Photo by FREDERIC J. BROWN/AFP via Getty Images
Frances Bean Cobain attends The Daily Front Row’s 4th Annual Fashion Los Angeles Awards at Beverly Hills Hotel on April 8, 2018 in Beverly Hills, California. Photo by Neilson Barnard/Getty Images for The Daily Front Row
Speaking of her legendary dad, she said, “He gifted me a lesson in death that can only come through the LIVED experience of losing someone. It’s the gift of knowing for certain, when we love ourselves & those around us with compassion, with openness, with grace, the more meaningful our time here inherently becomes.”
Visitors stand next to a photograph of late US singer Kurt Cobain by Dutch photographer Anton Corbijn during the opening of the 20th edition of Paris photo. PHILIPPE LOPEZ/AFP via Getty Images
Frances Bean Cobain attends the Moschino x H&M fashion show at Pier 36 on October 24, 2018 in New York City. Photo by Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images
Frances shared a line from a letter Kurt wrote to her before she was even born. The last line read, “wherever you go or wherever I go, I will always be with you.” (RELATED: Nirvana Releasing 30th Anniversary Album With Previously Unreleased Songs)
The blue 1969 Mustang Fender guitar used by rock icon Kurt Cobain in the 1991 Nirvana music video “Smells Like Teen Spirit” is displayed at the media preview of the “Music Icons” auction, at Julien’s Auctions. Photo by ROBYN BECK/AFP via Getty Images
Frances Bean Cobain attends the “Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between” Costume Institute Gala. Photo by Dia Dipasupil/Getty Images For Entertainment Weekly
“He kept this promise because he is present in so many ways. Whether it’s by hearing a song or through the hands we share, in those moments I get to spend a little time with my dad & he feels transcendent. ✨,” she wrote.